


Five Times Erin's Heart Skips a Beat and One Time It Doesn't

by notgottaname



Category: Ghostbusters (2016), Ghostbusters - All Media Types
Genre: 5 Times, Cute, F/F, Fluff, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-13
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-08-08 13:29:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7759585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notgottaname/pseuds/notgottaname
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times Holtzmann makes Erin's heart skip a beat and one time it does...something else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Science is an art form, Erin tends to forget that. She specialises in quantum mechanics, the study of atoms, of protons and neutrons – basically, the minutely small. It’s not fancy rocket science, it’s math.

She loves her work bit it is predominantly theory, it can be laborious and painstakingly lengthy and one small incorrect detail can derail the whole theory. Erin loves it….but even she finds it boring sometimes.

That is why it comes as such a shock to her when, on a quiet Wednesday in Fall, Jillian Holtzmann sidles up to her in the lab and calls her work a ‘Masterpiece.’

Erin is working on a theory about ghosts in containment, it’s a derivative of the Uncertainty Principle using Schrödinger’s Equation, it’s complicated but the math starts to pile up behind her eyelids. The theory is not even particularly helpful to them as ghostbusters but the thought wormed its way into her head and past experience has proven that the only way Erin can stop obsessing about an idea is by writing it down.

So she writes, she writes a lot, quickly and furiously over the two huge whiteboards she and Holtzmann nailed to the wall months ago when it seemed like Erin was working more and more frequently on the second floor than in her designated area downstairs.

Her hand cramps but she ignores it, she scribbles equation after equation, writing them down almost as quickly as her brain is conjuring them up.

Her concentration is only broken when Holtzmann’s loud and drawn out, ‘Whoaaaa,’ sounds out from directly next to her.

The engineer stands close to Erin, shoulder to shoulder. She is dressed relatively normally for Holtzmann, paint-splattered dungarees with a few burn marks on them and a white tee underneath that looks like Holtzmann had cut in half herself with a pair of scissors. The familiar scent of oil, perfume and burn hits her nose. Holtzmann smells like science, like chemicals breaking down.

The blonde uses two fingers to slide her yellow tinted glasses down her nose and looks appraisingly over Erin’s whiteboards. ‘That is a masterpiece, Gilbert.’  
She watches Holtzmann’s eyes scan over the formulae, her blue eyes rounded wide and her eyebrows raised. Erin knows Holtzmann understands, she has seen enough scattered blueprints and graph papers strewn around her lab with messy equations in Holtzmann’s handwriting to know the engineer can read the equations with ample understanding of particle physics to cherry pick the important parts. 

That is how she knows it is sincere when the blonde engineer whispers, ‘It’s beautiful.’ 

Blue eyes trickle away from the theory and over onto Erin. ‘You’re an artist, Erin.’

The words vibrate through her ears and shudder Erin’s heart until it skips over its next beat. It’s a reaction she never had before and for she truly considers if it is due to the influx of coffee she has been consuming since busting ghosts became her occupation. However, she knows that in reality it is the look of appreciation on Holtzmann’s face causing her heart to skip behind her ribs.

Holtzmann complimented her work, work that is supernatural in origin. It occurs to Erin that this is the first paranormal theory she has worked on since the book – excluding that one time she brought up a spectral theory with a peer at Princeton and they laughed in her face. This feels new and real and Holtzmann just validated it in a genuine way that completely floors Erin, because even now she can’t see herself as anything but the ‘ghost girl’ she was deemed in high school. Delusional and second guessing herself every step of the way. To hear praise for work she has done that theorises the paranormal actually stuns her.

‘It’s just theory.’ Erin mumbles, suddenly at a loss at how to respond. Unsure if Holtzmann knows that she has just given her something very few people have given her in her life, approval for something that for years she had been told she was crazy to believe.

‘A good theory is art, baby.’ Holtzmann winks, moonwalking her way back to her lab area.

Butterflies erupt in Erin’s stomach and they don’t leave all afternoon. She completes the theory with a grin on her face.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Art by its very definition is the expression of human creative skill or imagination and Erin discerns that that definition is the very essence of Holtzmann’s work ethic.

Erin thinks about what Holtzmann said a lot for the next week. She struggles to see it, finds it difficult to see the beauty in her sums. So she does what she does best, Erin takes a scientific approach and does some observations. Namely, she observes Holtzmann.

Art by its very definition is the expression of human creative skill or imagination and Erin discerns that that definition is the very essence of Holtzmann’s work ethic.

Erin is at her table (also brought up to the second floor with the whiteboards) which is positioned opposite Holtzmann’s work bench and perfect for her snooping – _scientific_ snooping! She is feigning reading, peering over the top of her book to watch the engineer.

Holtzmann is tinkering with one of the proton packs, Erin thinks that it might be Abby’s but it’s hard to tell as it is in pieces, the blonde has it spread out across the table top like a mechanical autopsy. She can pick out the synchrotron and the superconducting magnets but the rest is foreign to her.

 _The Clash_ plays quietly in the background, it’s surprisingly soothing. Although Holtzmann likes to play music loud and dance raucously every now and then, she usually just has music playing as background noise. It suits Erin, another reason the absconded from the first floor lab – she doesn’t like quiet. It reminds her too much of dark, quiet bedrooms and single beds and glowing eyes.

The blonde is humming along to “Should I Stay or Should I Go,” she has tools in both hands, pliers clenched between her teeth and a small soldering iron behind her ear that seems to be glowing amber. Erin thinks it might be a little too close to the yellow tinted goggles she is wearing.

Erin has always been amazed by the weaponry and gadgets created by the eccentric woman but she has never really stopped and examined the creation process. It’s fascinating; She finds herself more than a little awestruck.

Holtzmann screws and solders with chaotic precision, her nimble fingers moving quickly but bumpily. She isn’t delicate. Holtzmann strips wire fiercely, she wrenches pieces of metal and wires together meticulously and recklessly- a combination that should oppose but seems to coalesce perfectly. It’s art, plaintively. Those are artist’s hands, guided by a scientists mind. She is the Picasso of engineering, each solder another brush stroke across her canvas and Erin cannot look away. This is why she notices the melting plastic dripping from the side of the blondes head and onto her lab coat.

‘Holtzmann!’ Erin shouts, perhaps a tad too frantically as Holtzmann startles, the pliers drop from her mouth and the wires she had been holding apart connect with a bright blue spark that sounds like a single firecracker going off. The shock jolts Holtzmann backwards as smoke poofs up from the spark, the stool she is perched on tilts back on to two legs.

Erin’s heart jars like the electric current hit her too, the organ skips and stalls like a faulty engine as Holtzmann hangs suspended on a knife edge, her stool literally hanging in the balance. It’s only a second, two at the most but Erin’s whole world freezes in horror. The overwhelming fear for Holtzmann’s safety hits her startlingly strong and very unprecedentedly.

Fortunately, gravity favours the engineer and her stool slams back down onto four legs and Erin’s world ticks back into motion.

‘Yikes!’ Holtzmann looks over at Erin, a maniacal grin on her face and her eyes alight. ‘Think I might’ve died for a second there.’

 _Me too!_ Erin’s brain screams, her hand dramatically clutching at her chest. Erin’s heart is now thundering in her chest. Relief that the blonde didn’t get hurt flows through her veins and she has the absurd impulse to grab the blonde and press a kiss to her (probably _literally_ smouldering) lips. It’s unnerving how hard it is to temper the urge; she decides to store that new impulse away for future reference.

‘Sorry! Jesus, Holtz, I didn’t mean to – you were –you’re melting.’ Erin points hastily to the soldering iron still sizzling above the engineer’s ear.

Erin makes her way over to the blonde on shaky legs as Holtzmann pulls the tool from behind her ear and yanks her goggles off, the smell of electrical burn wafts over Erin as they inspect the goggles.

‘Shiiiit.’ Holtzmann drawls, there’s a line melted into the side of the yellow lens.

Erin watches as the engineer’s face crumples in devastation. There is meaning behind the goggles, Erin has thought as much for a while, but it is clear by the look in Holtzmann’s eyes that they are special to her, that they are more than just safety eyewear.

‘We can fix them.’ Erin assures, eager to wipe the unfamiliar look of sadness from Holtzmann’s face.

‘They were my dad’s.’ The blonde blurts out. Her words quick and pushed together, like she had wanted to keep them in but they pushed and pushed and helplessly tumbled from her lips.

It is a piece of Holtzmann that Erin can add to her very sparse puzzle, she clicks the information into her mental jigsaw puzzle and understands Jillian Holtzmann a fraction more than she did yesterday.

‘We’ll fix them.’ Erin says again, this time with more conviction. Erin tugs on Holtzmann’s tie when it becomes clear the other woman isn’t going to reply. Holtzmann looks up at her with watery eyes; her hair is wild from the electric shock and frazzled a little at the edges. She smiles and Erin absolutely should not be as charmed by the vision as she is.

‘We can make them as good as new, I promise.’

They do. They _are_ artists, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone is enjoying reading as much as i am enjoying writing.
> 
> Find me on Tumblr @notgottaname


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘There’s a joke about this somewhere. “How many scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?”’

‘There’s a joke about this somewhere. “How many scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?”’

Abby chuckles at Erin from her place next to her on the couch. They are residing on the third floor of the firehouse which has recently become their converted living area and has also recently become shrouded in darkness. The firehouse is amazing, it is enormous and bright and has high ceilings that that lets sunlight stream in and noises echo. However, with tall ceilings come tall light fixtures and so when the large Edison style lightbulb blows they are left only with lamps to illuminate their living quarters. They make do for a whole week until Patty loses one too many of her fancy earrings and decides enough is enough.

They have procured a plethora of items in the firehouse (courtesy of Holtzmann’s dumpster diving), since they moved in. Items including, but not limited to, five and a half microwaves (yes, Holtzmann found half a microwave), a fake leg, two waffle irons and enough scrap metal that if they dumped it all in the ocean they might create a new country. Out of all of this paraphernalia there was nothing resembling a step ladder.

This is why Erin and Abby are watching a highly disgruntled Patty balance a precariously placed Holtzmann on her shoulders, while the engineer attempts to change the lightbulb. They each view the spectacle unfolding across the room with varying degrees of concern.

‘I still don’t see why I’m not hoisting Erin up here; she has the longest arms, remember?’ Patty grunts from out under the weight of the blonde.

‘Because I also have the largest amount of self-preservation.’ Erin points out, her voice echoing across the dark room.

‘And the cutest bowties.’ Holtzmann comments with a wink.

Erin blushes even as she winces watching Holtzmann swaying dangerously on Patty’s shoulders and juggling the now removed old lightbulb in her hands. This extreme worry for Holtzmann’s safety is perplexing and she can’t seem to turn it off which proves frustrating as Holtzmann is the most accident prone person with the least amount of survival instinct Erin has ever met.

‘Heads up, Abby.’ Holtzmann hollers, throwing the bulb towards them with a yell of; ‘ _Kobe!_ ’

It smashes on the floor nowhere near where they are sat. Abby rolls her eyes and Erin tries to not panic when the engineer teeters and almost overbalances and Patty struggles to keep her upright.

‘Oops.’

‘Holtzy! I swear I will drop you on ya damn head if you keep trying shit like that, just screw in the freakin lightbulb.’ Patty grumbles, ‘You’re compacting my spine more than the proton pack does.’

Erin watches them fondly; Holtzmann is not at all put off by Patty’s threats. She screws in the new bulb and the room illuminates but she remains on Patty’s shoulders instead of climbing down. She reaches into her lab coat pocket like it’s Mary Poppins’ bag and pulls out a full tube of Pringles. Patty is batting at the girl perched on her shoulders; she manoeuvres them further away as Abby tuts at her colleagues.

‘We let these people loose around nuclear weaponry.’ She shakes her head but Erin can see the smile pulling the corners of her mouth.

‘Yeah, it’s a miracle we haven’t blown up the city yet.’ Erin jokes (half-jokes – it’s become a genuine worry of hers), as she watches Holtzmann’s antics, aware of the fond smile on her face that she can’t seem to dampen.

It’s quiet for a while, both of them smiling at Holtzmann’s antics and Patty’s attempts to pull the engineer off her back. Then Abby breaks the contentment.

‘I’ve never seen Holtz this happy.’

Erin looks at her friend sceptically, ‘Last week Holtz literally cried laughing when Kevin tried to send a fax with a stamp on it.’

‘No, I mean in general, since we all started the ghostbusters.’

‘Really?’ Erin is a little taken aback by Abby’s statement. ‘I thought she was always like this.’

‘That’s because you didn’t know her before. I mean, even I don’t know the full story but the girl had it rough.’

Erin turns back to the blonde; she is munching on Pringles with a grin as Patty continues yelling at her to get down _before there is permanent damage done!_ Holtzmann just chews merrily, waving at Erin from the other side of the room.

‘I don’t understand…’

‘It’s not really my place to say.’ Abby waves back at her blonde friend. ‘Let’s just say she was a child of the system, and the system was not kind to her.’

Erin frowns, ‘Holtz was in foster care?’

Abby turns to her, a crease between her eyebrows. ‘She really never told you this?’

‘She’s a really private person, why would she tell me?’

Abby gives her a look similar to the one she wore when she found Kevin using a glue stick to affix the stamp to his fax. ‘Erm, because it’s you. She adores you, Erin.’

Erin flushes, unsure what to say and confused about the butterflies flapping around in her stomach at Abby’s assertion. Erin is becoming more flustered than she is comfortable with when it comes to Holtzmann as of late.

‘The other day in the lab, she said those goggles were her dads.’

‘They were, but as far as I know she never even knew the guy, he left when she was really little and her mom…she _never_ talks about her mom.’

Erin stifles her surprise, turning to observe a laughing Holtzmann brush Pringle crumbs off Patty’s head. ‘There are broken, salty parabolas in your hair, Pats!’

Erin can’t comprehend a sad Holtzmann. She tries to imagine a young, overly energetic Jillian being passed from home and her throat constricts, she feels her eyes water. How could anyone give up on a person as amazing as Holtzmann?

Patty drops down to her knees abruptly and nearly throws a still giggling Holtzmann flying forwards. Luckily, Holtzmann somehow remains upright but her Pringles are not as fortunate, they fly out of the tube and scatter across the floor. Holtzmann snorts, her face alight and shining beautifully. Erin thinks of her as beautiful destruction, she is both calm and chaos in equal measures.

‘You’re cleaning all this up, doctor Holtzmann!’ Abby says, faux sternly.

‘Aye, aye Cap’n.’ Holtzmann gives a two fingered salute to Abby and combines it with a salacious wink for Erin. Erin, not surprisingly, blushes. The scientist in her mentally adds this to the tally of increasing instances that Holtzmann makes her flustered.

‘You’re paying for my physical therapy.’ Patty complains, but is interrupted by Holtzmann enveloping her in an almighty hug. Patty, like so many others, cannot resist the Holtzmann charm and eventually throws her arms around the blonde in reciprocation.

‘She never had a real family.’ Erin realises, suddenly the engineer’s speech after they saved New York held so much more meaning.

Holtzmann saunters over to Abby and Erin, a grin wide on her face. She smirks at Erin and twirls a brush like a baton through her hands with skill. Erin never knows what to do when Holtzmann looks at her like this, like she… _adores_ …her, so she responds with an awkward wink and a singular finger gun.

Holtzmann looks delighted with the action and begins sweeping up the mess she created. She looks happy, there’s contentment in her eyes and joy emanating off from her like radiation off of one of her machines.

‘She didn’t, but she has now.’ Abby affirms quietly and Erin’s heart does the now familiar flip flop reaction of a skipped beat at the realisation. They are Holtzmann’s family. They are insane, messed up, likely to destroy the city of New York…

…and they are _family_.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘Erin’s drunk.’ Patty informs Abby, delegating the drinks around the table.
> 
> ‘Yes!’ Abby cheers, sitting down at the table. ‘Drunk Erin is my favourite Erin.’

They fall into a routine over the next month. Work is steady, they do research, work on a new book and bust ghosts. Whenever they have a big bust they celebrate in O’Neill’s, an Irish bar a block away from the firehouse. It doesn’t matter how tired, or how busy, or how covered in slime they are. They go to O’Neill’s. It’s become a tradition.

Erin has drunk slightly more than she probably should have; she is well on her way to intoxicated. The world is fuzzier than usual and there is a pleasant buzz surrounding her that is currently being dampened by the scene unfolding across from her at the bar.

O’Neill’s is always busy, but even through the throng of people Erin can see Holtzmann leaning on the bar and talking to a woman. The woman is pretty, she’s tall and has tattoos up her arms and seems _edgy_. And exactly the type that Erin assumes Holtzmann would go for.

Abby stands next to them, she’s ordering their drinks and chatting to the barman while Patty stays with Erin and helps man their table. Erin’s jumpsuit sleeves are rolled up and her forearms stick to the tacky table top as she nurses her beer and scowls at Holtzmann and _edgy_ -lady.

‘Jesus, Gilbert, she’s only talking to her, they ain't getting it on at the bar.’ Patty comments from next to her.

‘What?’ Erin asks distractedly, not turning away from her pointed glaring.

‘You can stop giving that girl the stink-eye; I don’t think Holtz is interested.’

Erin swings around to Patty, ‘Wha- I’m not- what are you…I’m just waiting for the drinks.’

Patty’s response is to quirk an eyebrow at Erin that clearly screams bullshit. Erin is a little too inebriated to come up with an adequate reply so she just turns back to the bar, de-glues her arms from the table and swigs the last of her beer.

Holtzmann seems to be re-enacting their ghost bust from earlier for the girl, her arms are flailing and her eyes are bright. The girl laughs at Holtzmann’s performance.

Erin’s glare intensifies.

‘How long does it take to get drinks?’ Erin thinks out loud, ‘She doesn’t need to give a play-by-play of the whole thing, it wasn’t _that_ exciting.’

She can actually feel the incredulous look Patty is surely giving her, ‘We busted twelve ghosts on the roof of a ten story building, the floor gave way and we were literally inches from death.’

‘Okay so it was a little exciting.’ Erin concedes.

Abby comes over carrying a tray of drinks, the blonde engineer is not with her and Erin struggles to find her again in the crowd.

‘Erin’s drunk.’ Patty informs Abby, delegating the drinks around the table.

‘Yes!’ Abby cheers, sitting down at the table. ‘Drunk Erin is my favourite Erin.’

‘I’m not drunk.’

‘She is.’

‘Here, drink this.’ Abby passes Erin a beer, spurring her on.

She sips it, spotting Holtzmann still conversing with the woman. The blonde is unbuttoning her jumpsuit and tying the arms around her waist. She’s wearing a plain white tank top underneath and it is free of oil stains or burn marks which is odd for the engineer. Holtzmann moves her yellow tinted glasses so they are hanging from one ear and Erin has to bite down on her lip. It’s a move that has recently been making Erin a little hot under the collar. She finds it insanely attractive (there seems to be an increasing number of actions Holtzmann does that she finds attractive) but even more so when she is more than a little tipsy. She grips the edge of the table so hard her knuckles turn white. The urge to march over there and grab Holtzmann by the collar and pull her against her body and just-

The edgy girl reaches over and lightly touches Holtzmann’s wrist. It has the physical effect on Erin of being plunged into ice cold water.

Her glaring resumes.

‘Why is she touching Holtz’ arm like that? Can’t people have a conversation nowadays without pawing at each other like animals?’

‘Oh yes!’ Abby fist-pumps, ‘Drunk _and_ jealous Erin, even better.’

‘I’m not drunk.’ Erin reaffirms.

‘But you are jealous, huh?’ Patty laughs.

‘What? No! I just – we are supposed to be together, it’s our thing now. We should be sharing tales and reminiscing about our busting of ghosts and drinking and…and why does she keep touching Holtzmann?’

Abby smirks at her and Erin wills her brain-to-mouth filter to kick in.

‘You should go over there.’ Abby says, encouragingly.

‘Abby.’ Patty warns.

‘Should I?’ Erin asks, seriously considering it.

‘Yes, you should drink some more and then go over there.’

‘Seriously?’ Patty asks Abby, ‘She’s your best friend, why are you encouraging her?’

‘Because drunk Erin is hilarious. Also, they need to sort their shit out; I’m tired of them pussyfooting around this thing they’ve got going on.’

Erin snorts loudly, ‘Great use of the word pussy, Abs.’ Erin offers Abby a high five, which she accepts, then she registers what else was said, ‘Wait, a sec-‘

‘Whaaat, I missed a pussy conversation? What else did I miss?’ Holtzmann interrupts, squeezing in next to Erin, thankfully without her new friend, and with her glasses back in place. Her bare arm brushes against Erin’s sticky forearm. Erin stares at the pale skin, marred by lots of tiny scars, solder burns dotted all over creamy skin. It reminds Erin of a galaxy, each scar a star, her arms the Milky Way, beautiful, untouchable. Her fingers itch to touch.

‘Erin’s drunk,’ Patty tells Holtzmann.

‘Well, that _is_ an interesting development. I don’t think I’ve seen a drunk Gilbert before.’

‘I’m not drunk.’ Erin says again, although it occurs to her that she has not looked up from Holtzmann’s arms yet, it takes her longer than is probably socially acceptable to drag her eyes up. And then she can’t stop staring at Holtzmann’s face.

‘Okay, I need the bathroom.’ Abby stands, grabs Patty’s hand and yanks her up. ‘Help me, Patty.’ Abby throws Erin a suspiciously encouraging wink and pulls Patty towards the restrooms.

‘Help you go to the bathroom?’ Patty’s yelling confusedly, but they’re too far away now for Erin to hear Abby’s response.

Holtzmann is leaning her head on her hand, elbow on the table, slouching lazily and grinning up at Erin. Her eyes are soft and Erin is immediately drawn in. Erin tips forward and mirrors the blonde’s position. Her eyes droop with tiredness and intoxication. Erin moves closer, trying to drown out the noise of the bar. Her hand moves up unconsciously and unhooks an arm of Holtzmann’s glasses so they dangle again and she can see blue eyes. When the blue twinkles, Erin smiles sluggishly.

‘Hey, drunky.’ Holtzmann smirks, ‘You okay?’

‘I’m not drunk.’ Erin repeats her mantra of the evening, but she knows it isn’t true. She is too aware of the spinning of the earth and the lowering of her inhibitions for her to be anything other than drunk.

‘Yeah, you are.’ Holtzmann corrects, she sounds endeared by Erin. That in turn makes Erin feel warm inside, like the flaming Sambuca she had earlier but without the pain.

‘Where is your friend?’ Erin blurts the question that has been perched on the tip of her tongue since Holtzmann sat down, the alcohol making her loose-lipped.

‘Which friend?’ Holtzmann frowns and Erin’s hand comes back up and she uses her thumb to smooth away the crease between the engineer’s eyebrows. Holtzmann’s face lights up gleefully at the move but there is a questioning behind her eyes like she is delighted but equally confused by Erin’s behaviour.

‘The one from the bar.’

‘Ah, well I assume she went back to her boyfriend.’

Erin jerks her head up from her hand, the bar tilts with the quick motion and she has to blink her vision back to normal. She gives Holtzmann an incredulous look. ‘She has a boyfriend? But she was flirting with you?’

‘Was she?’

‘Yes! She did this.’ Erin attempts to replicate the wrist touch but ends up smacking Holtzmann squarely on the nose.’

‘Well, that is indeed a very charming manoeuvre.’

Holtzmann says, bemusedly.

‘Sorry, my hand-eye coordination seems to disintegrate when I’m inebriated.’

‘But you vocabulary increases, interesting.’ The blonde taps her finger on her chin, seemingly in contemplation. ‘Why do you care if she was flirting?’

Erin’s mouth opens and closes a few times but she has no reply that wouldn’t reveal the now glaringly obvious truth. She is a scientist, she is not an idiot, she knows what the butterflies and the blushing and the heart skips mean. So maybe it took her an embarrassingly long amount of time to reach the realisation that she had feelings for Holtzmann but she is very much aware now. However, that also does not mean that she will be admitting it any time soon.

Unfortunately, her drink-addled mind refuses to come up with an answer.

They are still perched very close, so Erin can see distinctly the look of genuine intrigue and sincere bewilderment in the blonde’s eyes. It’s like she can’t understand why Erin would care if someone was flirting with her.

Perhaps that is why the truth comes out of her mouth rather than the hashed out lie her brain was failing to concoct.

‘I was jealous.’

Holtzmann pulls a face, ‘Of me?’

Erin shakes her head and closes her eyes. There is no going back now, when she opens them again it is to a sea of blue.

‘Of her.’ She whispers.

There’s an agonising few seconds in which Holtzmann’s face remains completely devoid of emotion. Erin feels the panic begin to rise within her; she was hoping that maybe she wasn’t the only one feeling these things. That maybe Holtzmann’s affections and flirtations were genuine. She was hoping for reciprocation, but with every passing nanosecond of blankness on the face of the engineer the hope gets more and more squashed.

Then suddenly Holtzmann’s face breaks into a smile, and it is an honest one. Not a smirk or a leer or a cocky grin. It is a genuinely delighted smile. Erin can tell because the mix of happy intertwined with vulnerability is something she has never seen in Holtzmann’s eyes before and she has been _really_ paying attention lately.

There's a skip against her ribs. The organ leaps and soars behind her breast, and her breath catches in her throat. She really wishes she weren’t drunk right now.

Holtzmann’s authentic smile morphs into the more familiar self-assured grin. ‘I Knew I’d wear you down eventually.’

It’s a lie, Erin can tell, but she laughs and when Holtzmann leans over and presses a surprisingly timid kiss to the corner of her mouth Erin thinks that getting drunk might’ve been a good idea after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These chapters are getting longer and longer, i'm sorry!
> 
> Please come find me on tumblr (@notgottaname) so we can nerd out over these goofballs :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Erin starts to wake, she becomes aware of two very distinct things. One: she is hungover, and two: she is definitely not in her bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long!
> 
> This takes place after the previous chapter.
> 
> Come follow me on Tumbr (@notgottaname) I love this fandom so much and need to geek-out about it.

When Erin starts to wake, she becomes aware of two very distinct things. One: she is hungover, and two: she is definitely not in her bed.

Blinking her eyes open turns out to be a mistake, the light is bright and every blink feels like a jab into her head.

‘Ow.’ Erin groans, attempting to sit up on what she now realises is the firehouse couch.

‘It’s alive! ALIVE!!’ Comes Holtzmann’s booming voice, she has taken Patty’s Dr Frankenstein comment to heart it seems.

Erin winces at the volume and manages a one-eyed squint towards the end of the couch where Holtzmann is perching on the arm. The blonde engineer is grinning down at her at her around a spoon, a bowl of cereal balancing on her knees.

Erin’s other eye opens when she registers what Holtzmann is wearing. The blonde is clad only in a white t-shirt (slogan reads ‘remember: safety is gainful, accident is painful’) a joke present that ironically is filled with burn marks, and what looks to be a pair of Pokémon boxer shorts. She is devoid of any lab wear, no goggles, yellow-tinted glasses, lab coat or overalls. Although her hair is still pinned, it is looser and seems softer somehow. In fact her whole persona seems gentler without her armour, she seems blurred at the edges – but that could be the hangover.

‘Ya okay, Gilbert?’

It all comes back in a rush. She remembers the night before, the jealousy that swelled up in her, the truth slipping from her lips, the soft press of Holtzmann’s mouth the ‘ _I knew I’d wear you down eventually_.’ The rest is a blur of laughter, dancing and shots. She has no recollection of why she is sleeping on the ratty couch in the firehouse with a scratchy blanket tossed over her.

Erin suddenly at an impasse and feeling incredibly awkward. Would Holtzmann remember, would she regret it, did alcohol obscure something Erin considered a declaration into a meaningless remark?

‘Yeah-um, yes. I’m…what happened last night?’

Holtzmann’s face drops and her spoon clatters back into the bowl, lucky charms spill over the edge. ‘You don’t remember?’

Erin panics, ‘I remember some things.’ When Holtzmann’s face remains crestfallen Erin clambers to do damage control, ‘I remember the important stuff, like…what I said to you-‘

‘-that you liiiiike me.’ Holtzmann’s sad face morphs into a smirk and Erin knows she was just played.

‘Well, I didn’t actually say-‘

‘It was implied.’

‘And I remember what you said to me.’

‘That I liiiiike you too.’

‘Well, you actually didn’t say the eith-‘

‘Also implied.’

Erin feels both a rush of relief that they’re on the same page and dread that she has no idea what that means.

‘So, like I said, I remember the important stuff.’

‘Good, good, Gilbert.’ Holtzmann spoons some more cereal into her mouth. ‘I was worried for a sec that you forgot about our raucous lovemaking.’

Erin sputters, forgets how to breathe. She clutches the blanket dramatically and feels all the blood in her body rush to her face. ‘We-I, we did, what!?’

Holtzmann watches her stoically for several seconds before she cracks up into maniacal laughter. ‘I’m just messing with you Erin, Jeez! You should see your face. You’re still in your jumpsuit and I don’t like to brag-‘

‘-you love to brag.’

‘-but trust me,’ She winks at Erin, ‘you’d remember if we had sex.’ Erin cannot get any more flustered. ‘Correction, _when_ we have sex.’ Okay, _now_ she can’t get any more flustered.

Erin is too hungover for this. ‘I hate you.’ She grumbles

‘Nah, you don’t.’ Holtzmann deposits her bowl on the floor and flops over onto the couch, squashing Erin’s legs. She then proceeds to crawl up Erin’s body in a distinctly un-catlike manoeuvre that Erin thinks is intended to be sexy but just looks ridiculous. She’s charmed all the same, though.

‘What are you doing?’

‘Seducing you. ’Holtzmann says, matter of fact and Erin yanks the blanket up over her head to hide her seemingly never-ending blush. ‘Although, I suppose that is redundant because you already said that you like me.’

From beneath the blanket Erin scoffs, ‘Didn’t actually say tha-‘

‘Say it, then.’

Holtzmann is directly on top of her now, Erin can feel her bodyweight pressing down upon her, it usually makes her feel trapped when someone is on her like this but with Holtzmann it feels intimate and safe, like a shield rather that a weight.

Erin scoffs again, nervous and jittery with Holtzmann saying all the things she wants to hear but still can’t actually believe. She’s had her fair share of people fuck her over, still doesn’t really know how to receive the things she wants. She always waits for the other shoe to drop, it always does.

‘Say it, Erin.’ Her quiet words release with a tremor, she can hear it and feel it through the press of their chests. It occurs to her that Holtzmann needs the reassurance as much as she does, maybe more. Years in care, years of abandonment, it clicks that all the bravado, the flirting and playfulness is a mask that Holtzmann wears and she wears well. But she lets the mask slip every now and then, lets people peek into her true self.

 Erin won’t look a gift horse in the mouth, she tugs the blanket down. Blue eyes shine unobscured from yellow tint.

‘I like you.’ She whispers delicately, heart on her sleeve in a rare moment of emotional bravery.

‘Nice.’ Holtzmann, grins.

Erin’s jaw drops, ‘Holtz! I’m being frickin’ tender here and you-‘

She’s interrupted by a kiss so welcome her body reacts before her mind. She reciprocates before she fully realises that she is being kissed, her hands fly up and thread through blonde locks. It is sweet and gentle and clumsy and chaotic and completely what she expected and absolutely not at all what she expected. It’s Holtzmann all over.

When Erin feels another spike of bravery she bites down on the engineer’s bottom lip, eliciting a groan. She feels something twist low in her belly and her heart skips gloriously at the sound and picks up from its regular beat to race erratically against her ribs. She’s sure Holtzmann must feel it.

The smiling blonde pulls back a fraction, ‘I like you too.’ She says, sincerely and so close their lips brush with every syllable. ‘Even with morning breath.’ She adds, effectively ruining the moment.

‘I take it back, I hate you.’ Erin tries to frown through her smile but can’t, instead she yanks the blanket back over her head.

Holtzmann laughs and peppers kisses all over Erin’s blanket covered face.

Erin smiles, hidden under the cover.

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There’s a second where all time freezes and Erin watches helplessly as the blue energy from the explosion upsurges up her stream, her finger releases the trigger but it’s too late, the pulsing energy races up the beam towards her and Erin feels the familiar feeling of her heart skipping a beat. The energy wave slams into her, throwing her backward but this time her heart doesn’t start back up again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the end cometh!
> 
> I'm so sad to finish this story, but i have some ideas for future writing and I can't wait to get them in the pipe-line.
> 
> Thank you all so much for your kudo's and all of you who have taken the time to leave a comment. You guys are amazing.
> 
> Prompt me with your ideas ;) @notgottaname on Tumblr

Erin finds it odd that out of every location they have been ghostbusting (schools, music halls, restaurants, strip clubs etc.) they have never been to a cemetery.

It’s only as she and Holtzmann are walking through one in the middle of the night that she realises how glad she is that the entities seem to stick to less unsettling establishments – although Erin thinks that the strip club is still a good ten points higher on the creepy scale than this cemetery.

The graveyard is dark, overgrown but luckily not that big. However, the ghost they are hunting seems to be evading them fairly well. It seems to get a kick out of taunting them; popping up from behind gravestones every now and then like a paranormal whack-a-mole. The entity is tall, skeletal and wily; it’s movements quick and serpent-like. The menacing grin on its face like a crack in the ground. All their equipment tells her that it is one of the higher grade apparition’s they have come into contact with, the energy vibrates off it in blue pulsations, she can feel the crackle of electricity when they get close to it.

To make the search easier they split into two’s. Abby and Patty take the East and Erin and Holtzmann take the west. Due to the small size of the graveyard, Erin can still see Abby and Patty’s flashlights in the distance, it helps to put Erin’s mind at ease – that and Holtzmann’s presence next to her. The engineer seems to be oblivious to the creepiness of the situation, talking gleefully about particle colliders as they meander through the uneven terrain.

Erin zones out a little, trying not to think about the dread crawling up her spine and opting to focus on the mannerisms and excitement of her… _girlfriend?_ A month in and they still hadn’t had that talk yet, which is strange because they have sex a lot and Erin is one hundred percent, unequivocally in love with Holtzmann.

‘…so ion cyclic accelerators will need like a _gnarly_ sized tunnel because of the increased beam rigidity and-‘Holtzmann cuts off, looking at Erin. ‘You aren’t even listening to me are you?’

‘Yes!’ Erin lies, trying to sound offended but knowing she has been caught out.

‘Hmmm, what was I saying then?’

_Damn it_ , Erin’s mind goes blank. ‘Um.’

‘Ouch, Gilbert. You wound me.’ Holtzmann mimes stabbing herself in the heart. ‘Am I that boring?’ she laughs, but Erin can hear the twinge of genuine hurt in the fake giggle.

‘What? No, God- Jillian you could never bore me.’

Holtzmann side-eyes her sceptically.

‘Holtz, seriously,’ Erin tugs gently on the engineer’s elbow, pulling her to a stop. The ghost all but forgotten as Erin tries to reassure Holtzmann. ‘I zone out a little sometimes when you go on a technical-tangent. You’re a little hard to follow; I’m not as smart as you, y’know?’

Holtzmann snorts loudly, ‘O-kaaay, miss Columbia University Professor, Princeton Graduate, you’re such a dumb-dumb.’ She rolls her eyes exaggeratedly, clearly not believing Erin.

‘Hey, I’m smart, I’m not denying that. But you, you’re…you’re a _genius_.’ Erin steps in close to Holtzmann and unhooks an arm of her glasses, letting the armour drop so she can look into her eyes. ‘You’re remarkable and it is, honestly, a bit overwhelming sometimes.’

Erin expects a laugh, a joke, a strange remark, maybe even a dance. She does not expect what actually happens, and that is a dark red flush spreading up from Holtzmann’s neck and dispersing across her cheeks.

‘Oh. My. God.’ Erin steps back and points at the physical reaction, grinning big. ‘Did I just make you blush?’

‘No.’ Holtzmann shakes her head from side to side, overdramatically.

‘I did!’ Erin laughs, reaching out to tenderly touch a reddened cheek. She has never elicited this reaction from Holtzmann before; the blonde infuriatingly has the ability to remain unfazed by anything. Even in bed, even if she does something entirely embarrassing that makes Erin embarrassed by proxy (such as sliding down the fire pole wearing only a tie to greet Erin thinking she was alone but Abby, Patty and Kevin are all there) not even a slight colouring of her cheeks.

Erin is immensely pleased to get a reaction that breaches the bravado and front that the engineer has up.

Holtzmann swats her hand away, ‘No you didn’t. I’m just hot, it’s warm out.’

‘It’s November.’

‘It’s –the ghost!’ Holtzmann points behind Erin.

‘You really think I’m gonna fall for tha-‘

She is cut off by the blonde slamming into her so that she is flat on her proton pack  with Holtzmann on top of her as the ghost skims over the top of them, screeching loudly.

‘Come here often?’ Holtzmann wiggles her eyebrows with a smirk, her blush disappearing and her swagger returning.

Erin annoyingly feels her heart flutter and her own cheeks redden at the ridiculous pick-up line.

‘How is that so effective on me?’ She wonders aloud.

Holtzmann doesn’t answer, instead she scrambles off Erin, unholstering her proton gun and firing at the entity. The dexterous spectre avoids her first two shots but she captures it in the proton stream on her third. It’s bigger and stronger than they had anticipated, it fights against the stream and Holtzmann gets whipped back and forth trying to contain it.

Erin clambers to her feet, hearing Abby and Patty yelling in the distance. She grabs her proton gun and tries to aim at the now rapidly moving, apparition.

Before she can get an accurate aim, Holtzmann is flung off her feet and knocked sideways, scraping along the ground and colliding into a tombstone with a thud. Her gun flies out of her hands but is inexplicably still firing, the entity remains wrapped in the beam like it is tied in a bow.

‘Holtz!’ Erin screams worriedly, but the blond sits up groggily as the ghost bears down on her, held back minutely by her unmanned proton gun.

Erin runs forward, her finger grazes the trigger as Holtzmann yells towards her, ‘No! Don’t shoot, you’ll cross the streams!’

The ghost is screaming, wailing at Holtzmann. Abby and Patty are close but the ghost is now a hairsbreadth away from Holtzmann, from the woman she loves.  It’s long, bony fingers stretching out, aiming for her throat, brushing against the skin of her neck.

‘Don’t!’ Holtzmann warns again.

_Too late_. Erin squeezes the trigger. She knows her stream is going to hit the unattended one crossing the path. All that goes through her head is _never cross the steams_ – _every molecule of your body instantly exploding_ –

Her stream fires out and crosses the path of the stream enveloped around the spectre. The ghost explodes immediately on impact in an eruption of blue energy.

There’s a second where all time freezes and Erin watches helplessly as the blue energy from the explosion upsurges up her stream, her finger releases the trigger but it’s too late, the pulsing energy races up the beam towards her and Erin feels the familiar feeling of her heart skipping a beat. The energy wave slams into her, throwing her backward but this time her heart doesn’t start back up again.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Erin gasps in a breath; her heart is jolted back into normal sinus rhythm.

She blinks once, then twice, and then lots. Everything is fuzzy.

There’s loud thunder in her head that is roaring in her ears like the sound of a speeding train.

The sound clears as her vision does. Holtzmann, Patty and Abby are all kneeling over her, looking down with equally worried expressions.

Erin coughs a few times, ‘Wha- what happened?’ She croaks, the back of her head is throbbing.

‘You died, man.’ Patty tells her.

‘I what?’ Erin asks, confused.

‘Yeah, your heart stopped for like a full minute.’ Abby confirms, her eyes are too wide and her face too pale. ‘Holtzmann brought you back.’

The engineer is looking decidedly relieved if not incredibly shell-shocked. She grins at Erin, but it is shaky and forced and Erin can see tear tracks down her cheeks reflected in the moonlight. Erin wants to brush them away; she wants to make the smile real.

‘How?’ Erin asks Holtzmann, clambering to sit up, noticing her jumpsuit and top are wide open and her bra is on show.

‘I installed defibrillators into Abby’s pack a while back,’ Holtzmann answers, buttoning up Erin’s jumpsuit for her with shaky hands. ‘Proved effective.’

‘That was smart, Holtzy.’ Patty claps the blonde on the back.

Holtzmann smiles, less shaky, still forced. ‘Would’ve been much smarter if it didn’t make her pack twice as heavy.’

‘What?!’ Abby asks, incredulously.

Holtzmann just shrugs, ‘I’ll work out the kinks.’ She turns to Erin, ‘Y’know it’s a good job I put a safety on the proton guns recently, you just got a massive energy backdraft. Try that a month ago and you would’ve been obliterated into little Erin particles.’

 Erin gulps and allows Holtzmann to help her up. ‘On your feet soldier.’

She feels lightheaded and sore, and she almost died and Holtzmann’s hand is still shaking in her own. She leans heavily into the blonde on jelly-legs.  

‘I love you.’ Erin tells her.

‘What?’ Holtzmann’s eyebrows rise almost to her hairline.

‘I just died, so I’m letting you know in case it happens again and I don’t get to tell you. I love you. And you are my girlfriend. Okay?’

Holtzmann gives a slow nod, her eyes wide with surprise like she can’t believe Erin said those words and Erin knows she is going to be telling Holtzmann how much she loves her an annoying amount in the coming weeks, until that look of surprise goes away.

Giggling to her right breaks the moment. Abby and Patty are smiling and _awwww_ -ing. Erin gives them a look.

‘We’re just going to…carry these to the car.’ Abby grins, they pick up Holtzmann and Erin’s proton packs to take to the Ecto as Holtzmann helps Erin.

‘Thank you, Holtz. For y’know, saving my life after I recklessly did exactly what you told me not to do but I think maybe I should go to the hospital because I was technically dead and-

‘ _Iloveyoutoo_!’ Holtzmann blurts out in an exhalation, like she’s been holding it in along with her breath. There’s panic on her face and her eyebrows still haven’t come down, she’s panting a little.

Erin lets a slow smile blossom across her face, ‘Really?’

Holtzmann nods fast and many, her breathing slowly evening out and the look of anxiety smoothing out into more natural features. Erin thinks this might be the first time she has said those words to somebody and pride blooms in her heart at the thought.

‘But you are correct,’ Holtzmann says, ‘we should get you seen by a medical professional because that defib machine was largely untested and I have no idea what I’ve just done to your ticker.’ She smiles brightly at Erin, tapping Erin chest twice.

Erin’s heart trips over the beat again.

‘You made it skip, Holztmann.’ Erin tells her, softly.

Holtz looks shocked again, then she smiles and then the smile drops.

 ‘That could be a side-effect. Come on.’ She says, grabbing Erin’s hand and pulling her along.

Erin smiles all the way back to the car.

 

 


End file.
